Conversations with God

I'm a Christian.  Not a very good one - I pray when it suits me, my idea of reading the bible is making sure I read the verse at the top of devotionals I get daily and don't read.  I haven't stepped foot in a church in years.  But I believe that Jesus is real, and has dominion over me.  No, I'm not going to preach to you right now.  That's also one of those things that make me a bad Christian - that I deliberately will not try to convert or preach to a person.  Mine was a personal choice, yours is too, end of discussion (unless you have questions, in which case I'd suggest Google would have better answers than me).

After some pretty significant life events combined with the effects of a worldwide pandemic, I have found myself to be in the midst of an existential crisis.  Why are we here?  What's it all for??  Am I meant to just muddle through each day, wondering what to do with myself, struggling to pay my bills?  What even is the point??

Often when stoned I will become introspective and reflect on my life.  One particular evening, I was in bed just trying to sleep after having smoked a bit, when I started to ask God the above questions.  I'd asked those questions many times before and never really stopped to listen for an answer, so I wasn't really expecting an answer this time, either.  But boy was I wrong.

The answer finally came to me.  So definite, so clear.  The reason we are here, on this earth, doing what we do, is to love one another.  That's it, that's the answer.  Love.

Never in my life have I been as certain about anything as I was about that.  In that moment, it made perfect sense, and the certainty was unmistakable.  I have since gone over that night in my mind, analyzed and over analyzed it again and again.  Picked it apart like nothing else.  But the conviction with which I felt that one word - Love - was indisputable.  Confidence, and........serenity.

I still have a lot of questions, all of which I patiently wait for answers.  But one thing I now know for certain - we are all here to love one another.